It is not a choice but is inborn

When I was a little girl, I had seen an unusual couple who lived near the market street in my home town. One was a large sized woman who always wore man’s clothes and acted like a man, and the other one was a rather shy, small, quiet woman. All the neighbors were always curious about them and always talked in whispers behind them when they were passing by. One day, the large sized woman and some merchants in the market place had a big fight. The next day, suddenly they were gone.

I missed the shy, small, quiet woman for a while but I never saw her again. While they lived in my home town, the shy woman visited my house once in a while, and talked with my mother. I was not allowed to listen to their talk, so I did not know what they talked about but I saw the woman’s tears and I heard her deep sigh. When she left my house after talking, she always gave me a shy but beautiful smile. I liked her smile.

After they were gone, sometimes when I came home from school, I would come by their house and peep into inside of the yard. The house was empty. I could see only the flowers of some “touch me not” and “rose mosses” which they planted at the edge of the yard. About two months later, the other family moved in to the house.

Later, I became to realize that they were lesbians. At that time in my home town people did not even know the word “lesbian” so they called the unusual couple just “a woman who lives with the woman.” I know nowadays people have changed a lot, there are many lesbians and gay people in my home country, but back then the kind of person was rarely seen. They might had hidden their sexual identities because of the conservative society.

Since I am a movie maniac, I have seen many movies especially famous movies. I watched Philadelphia (1993, Directed by Jonathan Demme) and Boys Don’t Cry (1999, Directed by Kimberly Peirce) as well, not because they were sexual identity movies but because they were just well made movies.

However, I believe I have to admit that after watching those kinds of movies, my perspective about gay and lesbians has changed a lot. In Philadelphia, I admired Tom Hanks and Denzel Washington’s acting a great deal. Andrew (Tom Hanks) was a promising young lawyer and had AIDS. At first, Joe Miller (Denzel Washington) and Andrew (Tom Hanks) were not good friends, and also Joe had homophobia. However, when Joe saw Andrew and people’s reaction to Andrew’s disease, Joe decided to fight for him. This sequence moved me.

Historically, there are always the utterly ignorant and a few brave people that who coexist and the few brave people have changed our human history. The movie Philadelphia is a story about the AIDS diseased young lawyer and his lawyer’s fight against the societies unjust and unfair treatment of homosexuality.

The movie Boys Don’t Cry is a movie about a tragic young girl who has a boy’s mentality and lesbian sexual identity. I am a big fan of Hilary Swank; I was totally absorbed in her acting while I was watching Boys Don’t Cry. I cannot imagine Boys Don’t Cry without Hilary Swank. She showed us what legendary acting was like. Hilary Swank was just Brandon Teena, Teena Renae Brandon himself or herself.

She was Teena Renae Brandon when she was a girl, and she changed her name to Brandon Teena when she was a boy. Brandon Teena, or Teena Renae Brandon wanted just a peaceful life with his or her lover Lana (Chloe Sevigny), but was eventually brutally killed by dangerous people who had homophobia.

The movie was truly sad and shocking because Brandon and Lana loved each other so much even though they were girls, but the community surrounding them never understood or even never tried to understand them. Brandon did not have any reason why he had to be killed cruelly. He had just a little bit different sexual identity and it was not a sin or crime for which he deserved to die. The movies, Philadelphia and Boys Don’t Cry show the truth; sexual identity is not a choice but is inborn.

When I traveled in Melbourne, Australia, I had met one of a Korean wealthy family sons and I was surprised because he lived together with an Australian man as a lover. He told me that he was kicked out from his family because of his sexual identity. He said to me that he could not live in my home country because almost all people around him were curious about his private life after his coming out and saying he was gay.

Finally, he was able to settle down in Melbourne because he could find a “soul mate” in there. He said that he lived in peace, happiness and love with his partner there. Three of us visited St. Kilda beach and they looked truly happy. We visited the souvenir store near the St. Kilda beach, and I bought them a ceramic doll as a present which was a male and male arm in arm in a wedding suits. They liked the doll very much. While I came back to my hotel I prayed for their happiness and love on the tram.

We live in a ruthless world. On one side of the world, people kill each other, betray each other, and cheat each other just for their own greed. Love is an essential element of our happiness but we are losing it day by day. As long as the love is truth, why does sexual identity do matter? Does having a certain sexual identity mean being problematic?

At this point, I am thinking about the role of the media and I believe that my dream, to become a part of media people, would be fantastic because I might have a chance to tell the people about my beliefs. For that, I know I have to have an unbiased point of view.

Ultimately, I believe that sexual identity is not a matter of topic or subject, it is just people’s ways of life. We all have a basic right to live according to our own desires and dreams. In a way, we do not have a right to judge other’s sexual identities either.

As I am getting older, I understand the shy woman’s tears and deep sigh of my home town. She must be very lonely even though she had a true lover because she was not understood by people around her. She must feel isolation and frustration and it must be a hard life. Suddenly they were gone so they might flee from the malice neighbors who had homophobia. I remember her shy and beautiful smile. At that time, she smiled but she might shed tears all the time inside of her. Thinking of that, I am sorry for her. I hope she got back her peaceful life because our society has changed a lot. We do not oppose gay or lesbian people anymore and it is a good change.